Creatures Caves

Wow, how did I not see this thread earlier? Well, this reply may be weeks late. I hated mathematics too. I got straight As but that doesn't mean it was taught well.

All the students I've known, from kindergarten to college, who were "good" at math never looked down on anyone with poor grades. We asked each other questions, and we did our best to explain things to each other. In my experience, your peers in college won't look down on you. Everyone's in the same boat trying to finish education so they can get on with their lives, lol. Being homeschooled is tough because you don't have any fellows to share your troubles with. One more thing: this might be a California thing, but nobody ever asked the teachers questions because they never understood where we were having trouble and often didn't even understand the material.

Peers really are life-savers.

It might even be better being in a remedial math class than a "normal" one, since the "goal" of that class isn't to "pass" but to build foundations that people are missing. In my experience the teachers working in the remedial math classes know what they're talking about and understand the students... Like, you can actually ask the teacher a question and they'll actually do a good job of understanding you and explaining things to you. In a "normal" college class the teacher has a lot of material, a lot of students, and is just going to keep marching on leaving any stragglers behind.

Well, I'm going to vent now. [nblank]

My in-laws are blaming me for my health again, always "You're making it up", "You're just not trying hard enough", "You're lazy". I have two major health issues. The first is a recurring condition that is very painful, very tiring, and if severe enough, will require surgery or kill me horribly. The second is delayed sleep phase, a circadian rhythm disorder that makes me an extreme night owl. One or the other is enough to make living according to a "conventional" life almost impossible, so it's great that I have both. Anyway, according to my in-laws both are my fault, because I'm too lazy to sleep properly so of course I experience debilitating pain and thirst and fatigue every so often. If only I could get my act together and be a proper—just thinking about them disgusts me now.

Normally, we'd ignore them... But we can't anymore. GF and I are now financially dependent on them, and will probably be for a long time. We have no choice but to listen to their garbage. It's humiliating, even more so for GF, because she had shown me houses, talked about which one we were going to start our lives together, the future, she's ashamed that she can't get those things for us, we had savings, had... Not anymore. My in-laws, who have the free time, working organs, and wonderful human brains to look up what ails me, now bear down on me almost constantly. I can't stand being in the same room as them anymore. Even when we're not in the same room I feel cornered and trapped like an animal. I can't do anything at night when I function best, I'm too tired during the day, the stress makes it difficult for me to write at all, and now it's taking a toll on my health.

Also they shouldn't have a dog, or any pet. They are only making his reactivity worse (so now it's even harder for me to write! GREAT), and if he ever has any health problems they are not going to be willing to spend the money on his healthcare. They aren't willing to spend money on him now, when he's healthy. Eyes, ears, brains, all going to waste, adding needless anxiety and fear to the life of the poor dog in their charge. Legally it's not "abuse", it's just "bad ownership". Any progress I make with him has and will be undone by my in-laws. It's very disheartening.

I've been reading voraciously to cheer myself up. The fatigue and pain aren't making it easy for me to absorb what I'm reading. I'm constantly re-reading the same paragraphs and pages and falling asleep. I have grave, sobering dreams, but they make me feel better because my in-laws actually listen to me in them.