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| Question from Trapped on Burger King on 1/7/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Trapped on Burger King, This is the first time I've received a letter written on prison-issue toilet paper! I've managed to pass the news of your predicament onto the Hand. As I write this, it has logged off the computer and is busying itself in the kitchen, preparing a care package of home baked goods to send to you. Hopefully these tasty treats will bring you some comfort, especially the delicious carrot cake that I suggested. It?s packed with vitamins and an 'ironway ilefay' (an exotic delicacy) to help keep your spirits up... the Hand is an experimental cook.  Please enjoy every last crumb, as we wouldn?t want it going to waste. Fear not, with your industrious background, you?ll be a free Ettin soon enough. I also advise that you leave any gadgets behind, when you do eventually return home. They're probably faulty!- Laura |
| Question from Tea Shee on 1/5/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Tea Shee, Tell me, what are su-gar-coo-kies, and what is gin-ger-br-ead? These ingredients are simply foreign to us Norns, and personally, I think I?d prefer some freshly squeezed carrot juice with my morning cheese. Maybe if you invent a tea that?s more to our tastes, such as Pumperspikel seed, or Quirky Cookie flavour, you'll attract more customers. As for this newfangled 'sugar cookie' concoction, I?d cut my losses and dump the entire batch into the piranha pool if I were you. - Laura |
| Question from Shy Norn Girl on 12/29/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Shy Norn Girl, If this young Norn is as nice as you say he is, then I?m sure he?ll find your shyness attractive, so much that he?ll be the one who?s blushing! Grab the Grendel by the horns and invite him on a moonlit walk along the ship?s bridge, or enjoy a quiet meal for two. Imagine how romantic it would be, eating cheese while watching the tranquil waters of the Aquatic Terrarium, occasionally rippled by curious fish. - Laura |
| Question from Grendel Philosopher on 12/29/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Grendel Philosopher, Well, a cup of Shee Tea solves everything. I'm off to brew myself a pot now... to soothe my twisted tongue. - Laura |
| Question from Disappointed Child Norn on 12/25/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Disappointed Child Norn, The Fallow Norns are on strike! Pulling the sleigh through the cold skies of Albia, and the chilly vacuum around the Ark, gave one of them a cold so awful that his nose glows bright red! Olive, another Fallow Norn, now laughs and calls him names, while the rest worry about their healthcare plan. The Ettins have also joined in with the protest, refusing to make any more toys with the gadgets they stole throughout the year, until the healthcare improves. Now parents everywhere have to buy their own presents for their hatchlings. Even the Grendels, who worked so hard to earn their stocking full of coal, have to spend the rest of the winter with an empty fireplace. Don't worry though, I'm sure Santa Norn will be able to smooth things over with his employees and you'll get your presents soon enough! - Laura |
| Question from Piranha on 12/23/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Piranha, I'm afraid your story is a bit too farfetched for me, or any other creature, to fall for such nonsense. As far as I?m concerned, your kind is untrustworthy, with your beady little eyes and discreet burps after each frenzy. The other day, I even spotted a piranha using a bone as a toothpick. Unfortunately, for these reasons, I'll have to decline the invitation for tea you so gracefully included. - Laura |
| Question from Decorating Norn on 12/21/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Decorating Norn, Well, you?re obviously a Norn who?s used to living in comfort, with enough luxuries to fill an airlock. Why not do a good deed this Christmas and donate the couch to the deprived Ettins, in their sparse Desert Terrarium, who have sore behinds from having nothing but volcanic rocks to sit on? I?m sure this generous act would warm your heart, greater than any expensive piece of upholstery ever could. However, if you?d rather be like Ettinezer Scrooge, seize this opportunity and trade in the couch, in return for some secondhand gadgets to sell at an extortionate price. Bah, hum-badbug! - Laura |
| Question from Arctic Hunter on 12/21/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Arctic Hunter, I am appalled. Skinning Norns for their fur is inhumane. We need to keep warm too, and I can?t say that naked is a good look for us. We?d be a laughing stock! It would be kinder to strap a couple of live Norns to your person instead. The Magmas would definitely keep your tush toasty, but they won't be happy when they get cold after a while. I think the Bruins are the best species for the job, not just for their warmth, but their plain, brown fur would create a fashionable contrast against the white, pristine mountain peaks. Be careful that you don?t tickle them too much though; their giggles could cause an avalanche. - Laura |
| Question from Crazed NornBieber Fan on 12/20/2010 | 1 comment | 2 likes Dear Laura, Dear Crazed NornBieber Fan, I hate to be the bringer of bad news and shatter those closely guarded teenage dreams, like an egg cruelly crushed underfoot by a rampaging Grendel, but NornBieber is actually EttinBieber. Their childish looks and weird haircut are painfully clear, not to mention that they don't appear to have a distinguishable gender. As for not being noticed, I'm afraid EttinBieber has become far too absorbed in their new fame and status to see a simple Norn girl like yourself. They've lost touch with what?s really important. Dry those tears though, because when EttinBieber is finally exposed, you?ll still have your dignity... and hopefully a real, strapping Norn by your side too! - Laura |
| Question from Scared Norn on 12/17/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Scared Norn, Unless you?re not really that fond of your limbs, and aren?t bothered about having them detached from the rest of your body, I?d get your tail out of the airlock QUICKLY! That poor, unfortunate Meerk may look lonely, up there in the atmosphere, but I?m sure you?re far too important to the Hand to go and keep it company. - Laura |
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