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A long, long overdue apology.   
Mad_Doodles

Mad_Doodles
United Kingdom  


  2/14/2019  1

Hello.

My anxiety is through the roof on this one, but you know what? It should be. I've left this far too long. Too late, possibly.

Most will know me as Borg12345. I go these days by MadDoodles mostly or some variant. Most probably don't know or remember me, but that's not the point.

I've had an... interesting relationship with the CC, many years ago now. It was great, a cool community and one I was glad to be a part of. Except I often didn't really feel a "part" of it, and on a lot of reflection as I've grown and matured as a person I understand why now. I have often had a bit of an abrasive tone, I feel, especially with those who I deemed at the time to "not be behaving" properly in a forum setting. It's how I was introduced to that sort of environment and I thought at the time this was how users were "whipped into shape" or whatever, the hard and harsh way. I realize this isn't actually the case, it was a foolish notion.

I have also, I feel rather inappropriately now, tried to mush together interests that just weren't in the spirit of the community. This may just be a personal opinion now, but my interest in the macabre (particularly my projects, which I'll get to in a bit), but wasn't appropriate for the CC and honestly the game itself. Frankly, it was a bit edgy, and I cringe a little thinking about it now. I still like my zombies and horror movies and the like, but there's a time and a place, you know?

I was terrible with projects as well. I still am to a point, but that's getting into therapy territory and we don't need to go there. I'd have loads of ideas and work on a bunch of stuff and in some cases even have others help and... poof, I stopped, I lost motivation and invariably vanished. It's hardly the worst offense, but it was sucky on my part and I'm sorry.

Finally, there is a particular person I need to message personally with a very, very overdue apology. I mean I was sorry at the time, but not for the right reasons. I'm not going to go into detail as it involves someone else, but I behaved terribly to a particular user and that's not okay.

I put a lot of this to being a stupid, cynical, edgy teenager and I wish I could go back in time and give my past self a smack upside the head. I don't expect to be able to make amends, and I don't really expect anyone to care. But I feel this community as a whole deserves an apology for how I've behaved towards it more times than I'd like to admit.

I am very sorry for my past words and actions. I feel I have burnt this bridge to the ground, but I hope this post helps clean up the ashes a little, as it were.

- Borg


You'll see me as Mad_Doodles most places these days. :P
 
Papriko
Peppery One

Papriko
Germany  


  2/14/2019  1

Hey dude, long time no see!

First of all, I am glad to see you back! And secondly.... I actually don't know what to say. It really sucks when you don't feel that you are part of the group you are interacting with so much.
We have been talking quite a bit back in the day, and sometimes you came off a tad bit hard, but personally I never saw it as a problem. I like it when people are up-front about things instead of sugarcoating everything. Actually I quite enjoyed the interactions with you. Remember? Once I viewed one of your art streams! That was fun (besides being a good listening comprehension compared to the stuff we got at school :P)

And yeah, most of us had a cringy teenager time, some of us even here on this very website. I still sometimes look back at a couple of my posts and think "oh god..."

Anyway, it's great to hear of you again and hope to see you a bit more often again! Maybe even a small visit at the IRC...? No pressure though, of course you don't have to if you don't want.


Lets play plants! Photosynthesis... Photosynthesis... Photosynthesis...
 
Mad_Doodles

Mad_Doodles
United Kingdom  


  2/14/2019

Hey man, thank for your kind words.

Man I need to apologize to you as well, I ghosted you so many times with no good reason. Like seriously, it was nothing personal I just... did. I ghosted a lot of people. I feel terrible about that.

If you guys will have me I'd like to repair that bridge. I don't know how around I'll be at first but I'd like that.


You'll see me as Mad_Doodles most places these days. :P
 
Dragoler
Wrong Banshee

Dragoler
United Kingdom  


  2/14/2019  1

Everybody said and did dumb things when they were younger and cringe looking back at their previous behavior, you shouldn't worry too much about it.

Creator of the TWB/TCB genome base.

 
GimmeCat

GimmeCat
United Kingdom  


  2/14/2019  1

I don't think I know you, but I believe everyone deserves a do-over once they get over their edgy teen phase. ;P So, welcome back. You might want to try the Discord servers if you're looking for whoever that person is, most of us hang out there these days. Creatures Discord and Norn Nebula are the two biggest general ones, and if they were/are a developer, you're also likely to find them in the Caos Coding Cave. Good luck!
 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/15/2019  1

I've no idea who you are or the shenanigans you speak of, but the fact that you returned and apologized so earnestly says a lot about the person you've become in my eyes! :) I'm sure everyone will welcome you back.

Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
Lurhstaap

Lurhstaap
United States  

 visit Lurhstaap's website: Addicted To CAOS
  2/15/2019  1

FWIW, I don't think you should worry too much about "edgy projects". I have used the cannibalism agent to farm ettins to feed to my dragon norns for sheer amusement value. I have trained the dragons to seek the ettins for food, too.

You're not even CLOSE to the darkest in the fandom, my dude. :p There's room for all of us. Especially at the place the CC is at now. At this point it's all grownups, for the most part.


Conclude with killer catchphrase.
(Lurhstaap)
"This is not knowledge -
this is information!"
New Model Army, "Courage"

 
Merboy

Merboy
United States  


  2/15/2019  1

I think you coming forward to apologize and be very open and honest here with everyone shows that you're a really good person. It speaks volumes that you'd do this and demonstrates a lot of maturity and kindness. That's very beautiful to witness.


The Lantern Light.com
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/16/2019  1

Most of us do things we later regret when we're teenagers. But you have a good heart for coming back and apologising anyway. It's something that's quite rare nowadays.

⋆ The Norn Nebula ⋆

My YouTube Channel

 
Spykkie

Spykkie
Canada  


  2/16/2019  1

Hello Borg, I don't remember much of the time, but I just wanted to say I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and sent the post-cards home. Almost everything you wrote resonated with me (except the zombie part, but I once drew the CC staff as ponies, so, yeah.) Everyone who has improved over time now has memories of things they said or did that were stupid by their new standards. In a weird way it shows how much you've matured, so it's a good thing.

However, I want to mention that part of the reason I behaved like that some years ago wasn't just due to immaturity, it was also due to a yet to be diagnosed anxiety problem. If you feel like you are more stressed out then others where you study/work, please make sure to talk to your doctor about it. Mention what situations make you feel tense or stress you out, and how it feels (especially if there are physical symptoms like nausea or pain. ESPECIALLY if there is pain. It might seem like a no-brainer but there was a time I did not know that stress-pain wasn't normal.) I didn't know about it at the time and things got way worst for me before it could be detected. It took my stress ruining my health for someone to realize what was going on, and I don't think anyone deserves to go through that much pain before they get help. Don't wait to talk about stress with your doctor. You don't deserve to go through that.


Aside from that, the site is always open, please don't be a stranger. :)

 
Mad_Doodles

Mad_Doodles
United Kingdom  


  2/16/2019  1

Heya all.

Thank you so much for the kind messages. It really means a huge amount to me, I'm very touched. This lovely community has shone through once again. I hope to be more active as times moves on, it would be nice to return.

I contacted the person I mentioned above and we've spoken now. Obviously, I won't get to specifics but I thought you might like to know. It was good, and things are okay now.

@Spykkie, thank for your kind words on mental health. I have been through quite a journey in that regard and it is a road I am still traveling on. In the years since my last departure, I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression as well as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am on medication now and I am exploring other ways of helping to cope. Mindfulness meditation has done a lot to help in that regard. I think you are right in that it likely played a big part of who I was before it was diagnosed.

Thank you all again.


You'll see me as Mad_Doodles most places these days. :P
 
CeruleanSilver

CeruleanSilver
United States  


  2/17/2019

Hello there Borg! Welcome back to the community! As a fellow person whose not proud of who they were I sympathize. It's good to apologize, even just to get off your chest. I hope your experiences here are positive ones, and for what it's worth I enjoy blunt opinions and I don't mind macabre agents I just might not find it to my personal taste.

If it's any comfort, I find I'm still the same edgy teenager I've just gotten much better at hitting that there backspace button and IRL my social dodge skills/my ability to tell when something is about to upset me too much have vastly improved.

 
Snails

Snails
Canada  


  2/19/2019

Hey Borg! I don't really remember you, but I can relate to what you've said.
I've left a lot of websites and rejoined under a new name because of my behavior as a kid. CreaturesCaves is one of the few that I haven't however. I joined 4/18/2010, making me 10, turning 11 at the time. As you can imagine, I was an annoying little snot devil and I had some odd and rude behavioral habits.
Looking back on what you did when you were younger can bring some harrowing feelings. But you have come back and apologized, something I still struggle with over fear of being shunned. We've all done things that we'd rather forget online in the past, so there's no reason to feel bad about it. So, welcome back!


I'm GarbageSnail on SecondLife and Scum#4691 on Discord!
 


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Dragoler
creatures caves is your #1 resource for the creatures artificial life game series: creatures, creatures 2, creatures 3, docking station, and the upcoming creatures family.

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