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Strangeo Forum A Book I'm Writing    Slohse      8/17/2013  1 chapter 1 just a normal day Hi. My name is anne, and this is my diary. Just so you know, I don't normally do this kind of thing. But I've had to since we moved to this weirdo planet called erth. at least thats how we spell it. The enhabetants are weird, shaking tenticales when they meet and not even bothering to sing the national song of brotherhood! I miss my frnds. Also, daad says we have to tak like the erth creatures. I don't like it here. We have to live in boxes called houses and eat animals!D: I just want to go home. I'll spurt my feelings into you some mre latr. -------------------------------------- Bad news :Erth creatures are looking at us werd and may be suspecting somthing. Good news : I got my own room upstairs. Bad news, my obnoxios brother jacobannacaff (known to erth people as jacob) threw my stuff out the air lock in the ship. Good news : ....... I got nothing more on erth latr. jacob is being eatin by grandmas fjldj plant. you know, the one that sucks your life out in 3 minutes? I miss gallifray. bye.   Malkin Manager     8/17/2013 Great start! I'm looking forward to seeing what Anne thinks of this brave new world, and the strange creatures in it. My TCR Norns   Wee Scrivener Trell     8/17/2013 Not bad, not bad at all! You've certainly got a healthy dose of creativity here luv. One thing I recommend is checking your spelling a bit. We don't expect perfect grammar and spelling, though it's best to make things as legible as possible for those who don't speak English as their first language. Going the extra mile with proofreading is greatly appreciated, I'm sure! I'm curious to find out more about Anne's previous planet. Will we find out why she had to move to Earth? Is Jacob going to be alright? I look forward to reading more! Trell "Holy crap in a casket!"   Malkin Manager     8/17/2013 Haha - I figured the 'creative' spelling was a deliberate stylistic choice by mlohse to show Anne's unfamiliarity with the culture of 'erth' - perhaps her spelling might improve gradually as she becomes more naturalised to the planet? My TCR Norns   Wee Scrivener Trell     8/17/2013 Hey, that's pretty clever! Trell "Holy crap in a casket!"   Slohse   8/18/2013  1 and its right!   Slohse   8/18/2013 Chapter 2 An unexpected visit You may be wondrng why I had to leve my wonderful planet for this primitive one. The simpl truth is, it exploded. now my pple r scattered around the galexy. So jacobannacaff (unfortunatly) survived. Altho you can tel who he is by teeth marcs arond his face.Somene is makng a terible raket on the "door".Dad opens it and pple come in!Oh no! our cover's been blown! "jacob" coms in, ses me freking out, and says "Its just a house warming party!" It mist be an erth costm bcause I'd nevr herd it. I'll jst do wat they do. more latr.   Kappsune   8/18/2013 I like it, very nice concept. And I understand that it's supposed to be written with not-so-perfect grammar, I think just to make it a bit easier to read you could come up with some clever way to give it grammar later on? For example, Anne finds an English translator device, or something like that. Also, like I said it's very good, very creative. But unless this is about Timelords, I suggest changing the planet name a bit, just not to confuse any Whovians (if you're not familiar with what I'm talking about, there is a popular sci-fi show called Doctor Who, where the main character is from a planet called Gallifrey.) I think it's great so far, and I look forward to reading more, but I suggest changing those two things only if you're thinking about actually getting it published some day.   Slohse   8/18/2013 I completely understand. I am a whovian. The surprise is that she is a time lord. also, I will take your advise and add a translator. I will keep posting chapter part after chapter part and I am open to suggestions.   Malkin Manager     8/18/2013 I like the natural feel of it... like, she'll be writing about one thing, and then someone will barge in, and so she'll write about the people barging in. My TCR Norns   savagebeast   8/21/2013 I liked it! =D ~^._.^~   Solariana   8/24/2013 ooh, sounds great so far! Drawing today!   Slohse   8/24/2013 well, I can't think of anything next.....taking suggestions.   Malkin Manager     8/24/2013 Who's at the party? What are they doing? Did they bring any food to share? My TCR Norns   Slohse   8/24/2013 -------------------------------------- The humans gave me a book. It states their language. I'll use it more often. they said it was a present. At the party, we ate earth food. It wasn't as good as ours but it was edible. They said it was cake. they also gave me a communications device. they called it a phone. So earlier when I wrote that I'm gallifrayian. Most of you may think, "hey she's a time lord!" I'm not. I am the higher athority of gallifray.worth much more than a petty time lord. sadly most of the intellegent creatures in the universe forgot we exist. I sometimes wish they hadn't. more later, Im geting a "call" on my phone. --------------------------------------   Malkin Manager     8/24/2013 A phone is a very generous gift from neighbours - who would be calling Anne on Earth? I'm glad that the spelling is improving, it makes it easier to follow the story. My TCR Norns   Slohse   10/12/2013 The person calling was Jacobannacaff testing his phone. My phone started to spurt out loud, undesirable noises (later identified as a "ringtone" ) and wouldn't stop. After what seemed like hours, it finally shut off, and my ears stopped ringing. Jacob was angry at me the rest of the day, because I didn't answer his call. Mum and Dad where in the squarest of the square rooms in the box we live in, writing on a peice of white. They said they where signing me up for shool... whatever that is. I then started to explore the box-lined street. I saw a four-legged alien, who was tethered to a "human". They where holding us hostage! I had to tell Mum and Dad! I rushed back to the house as fast as I could, but they where gone! I feared that they were taken hostage by the "humans". And that's it, for now..... I just heard the door creaking. I'm getting my protective bat out. Oh, and more later.....   Malkin Manager     10/12/2013 Now they look like dogs? I hope Anne's parents are ok! My TCR Norns   Slohse   10/12/2013 They are shapeshifters, so they don't really know who is what.   Slohse   12/7/2013 3 hours later... So it turns out it was mum and dad. They where out getting human food. The reason I was scared of the animal tethered to the human is because we are shapeshifters. We took on a human form to fit in in this world. Turns out there is more to this planet than a box-lined street. Tommorrow me and Jacobannacaff go to a place commonly known as "shool." I hope I learn more about this planet. ---------------------------------------------------------   Malkin Manager     12/10/2013 Yikes, I hope Anne's ok at school! My TCR Norns

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