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Strangeo Forum |
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Dreamnorn
    
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6/21/2008 | |
I was digging through my old files when I came across a Creatures fanfic I wrote, but forgot about. When I saw it again for the first time, I thought, "Woah... did I REALLY write like that? "
But then I thought of how good it seemed back when I wrote it... I was proud of it. It wasn't bad for a ten-year-old's writing (especially one whose grammar was as holey as swiss cheese). I think I entered it in a contest long ago, but I can't remember what...
Here it is, anyway. My first real Creatures fanfic: a simple, four-part story with a basic plotline.
Please keep in mind that it is unchanged, so it should sound like it was written by a total novice. 
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Finding her Voice: Part One (The Dream)
Roxanne was the last born in a family of musicians. Her name was the goddess of dawn?s because she was born when the sun first hit the horizon. When she was 5 Albian years old, she realized that she did not want to play an instrument like her family. She didn?t want to toil day after day like her brothers and sisters did by playing and hurting their hands and such.
?It is your duty to play an instrument.? Her father, Tom, said.
?But daddy, I don?t want to! I want to do something else.? Roxanne said.
?The sound of music is in your blood. Someday, you will be a musician.? Tom got up and walked away, going to prepare breakfast. Roxanne decided to run away after dinner. That way, she would be able to move away and do her own thing.
***
After dinner that night, she packed some leftover honey and a pot of tea. She walked away to the emergency raft at the dock. She tied up her backpack full of the food to the last bit until she heard a voice behind her ?Where are you going, Roxanne?? Roxanne stopped in her tracks. She knew that voice and spun around.
?Jasmine!?? Roxanne shouted, ?W-W-What are you doing here??
Even though Roxanne loved her big sister, Jasmine shouldn?t know about this. She must think of something. ?I-I?m just going to learn how to play an instrument.? Roxanne hoped her older sister would fall for her lie, but Jasmine looked unconvinced.
?I know how much you hate playing instruments. Tell me where you?re going.?
Roxanne couldn?t reply, but she just bowed her head. After a moment that could?ve lasted as short as a heartbeat or as long as a whole year going by, Roxanne mustered up all her courage and said ?I would love to do music with my other brothers, sisters, and you Jasmine. But there has to be some other form of expressing music without playing an instrument. That?s why I?m leaving.? Roxanne looked up, bracing herself for scorning from Jasmine, but instead she saw happiness overflowing her sister?s eyes.
?I knew you?d find some other way.? Jasmine put a small box inside Roxanne?s backpack and sat down. ?To tell you the truth, I always knew that there was some other way of expressing the joy of music rather than playing the instruments.? Jasmine bent forward and whispered inside Roxanne?s ear. ?Look, when I get back, I?ll wake up our brothers and sisters. I?ll tell them where you?ve gone and make them promise to keep it a secret. Except for Jack, who always blurts out everything!?
Roxanne cuffed her sister playfully on the ear. Then she looked towards the box and asked ?What is that for??
?It?s a surprise.? Jasmine whispered. ?Now move along, before mom and dad wake up!? Jasmine threw Roxanne her raft-paddle. Without saying another word, Roxanne pushed the raft of with her feet, quickly jumped on, and paddled away, leaving her sister and all she knew behind.
***
Roxanne paddled all night without sleep, because the escape-canal her parents built was very long. Mist was pouring in through the stone walls. She needed a place to rest, but where?
Roxanne struggled trying to move on, but eventually, sleep overtook her.
***
Roxanne was running through the grasslands (where she was born) above her home, her feet pounding the ground as she ran around freely. She could feel the wind blowing through her fur, and stopped to rest on the soft grass. Part of Roxanne knew she was dreaming of running back to the old, uncomplicated days of her childhood in the garden.
She sat up and looked into the cloud free, sunny sky. Suddenly a bolt of light caught her eye, making her gasp in awe. A falling star was heading over the tall canopies of the jungle far away, heading straight for a forbidding looking island. It wasn?t an ordinary looking falling star either, with a greenish glow. A voice seemed to come from the strange star: ?Find your voice!? There was a short pause before, the strange voice becoming louder, it said ?FIND YOUR VOICE!!!? The sky turned a crimson red as it crashed on the island. A loud thump, like a sonic boom or a crash of thunder, emitted as the earth took one convulsive, mighty, shake and?
Roxanne?s eyes flew open. As her eyes adjusted to the gloom, even through the late-morning light going through wall cracks, she found that her raft crashed at the edge of an ancient burial cavern below the ground, with some stalactites and stalagmites shot through the top and bottom of the cave. She knew that she had to figure out what the dream might have meant. She had experienced prophetic dreams before, but never as complex as this was. She must search for a sign of luck to guide her.
To be continued...
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Dreamnorn
    
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6/25/2008 | |
I went through the second chapter and I looked at it as though I knew everything. I wrote this story years ago, and my writing style has changed dramatically. As I read through the second chapter, I found that my sense of drama had also been altered in time. I used to bring out events and clues in a somewhat obvious and childish manor, whereas nowadays I bring them more vaguely and atmospherically.
I also noticed that my vocabulary has been subtly moving on. Throughout my time as a middle-schooler, I found that I had a greater sense of words than I had before. Instead of languidly and laboriously typing, trying to think of engaging phrases and scenes to add, I do it quickly while finding more interesting language to pepper into my scripts.
Even my conventions and grammar has changed. I'm still terrible at the subject, but I've noticed that I'm a lot more fluid with how I write. Though I still mix up tenses, I recall that I can now demonstrate numbers in writing correctly, whereas I got it wrong in this next chapter.
When I look at this story, part of me feels that it does not pull in readers deep enough; it's not nearly as powerful as my more recent stories are. Anne Frank described herself as being her best and harshest critic of her own work. In that regard, I find myself the same way. But part of me also glows with pride, this being one of my first creatures fanfictions.
And now I bring chapter two:
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Finding her Voice: Part Two (The Grendel)
Roxanne jumped as the cold water lapped at her feet. The stalactites dripped water, and a cold, gray light sifted through the cracks in the walls. Somehow, Roxanne knew it was raining.
Sighing, she got to her feet. Only a few hours ago she had awakened from a bizarre, prophetic dream, where a green, falling star boomed “FIND YOUR VOICE!!!” as it landed on a horrible-looking island. Roxanne shivered as she remembered how terrible the dream was. But, as a freezing cold water droplet fell on her, Roxanne jolted back to reality. She grabbed her luggage: 3 honey jars, 4 carrots, 2 lemons, a water bottle, very cold tea, and a box which her sister had given her, all wrapped up in a large backpack.
Roxanne looked longingly at the box which Jasmine had given her. She was dying to see what was inside, but she decided to wait. Pushing her doubts and the horror of her dream to the back of her mind, she padded along slowly across the dank, dark, damp passageway until she came to an elevator. She waited patiently as she gently moved up. With a screeching NYYYYAAAAAAHHH!!, the elevator stopped violently. Part of Roxanne knew she had been here before, when her family moved from the sunny gardens to their present, underground, home just below the golden castle. And her first thought had been right; it was raining. Where am I to go?, thought Roxanne. Then she remembered the creepy island. Ok, I do know where, but how am I going to get there?
***
The rain splashed on the treetops and onto the ground. It poured and poured from the menacing storm clouds. Roxanne sighed gloomily. This wasn’t the weather she was looking for on her journey. She started running, her backpack billowing behind her, while a strong gale was brewing. A forceful wind knocked Roxanne off of her feet. The upset Norn let out a wail of despair and grunted as she tried to get up.
Just as she got on her feet again, another wind let out a moaning wail. It was a large, mighty updraft, capable of blowing an elephant off of its feet and into the air, never mind a young Norn child like Roxanne. She was hoisted upward with the strong gust. “NO!!!” Roxanne screamed as she grabbed onto the highest branch on a tall tree. Her attempts to keep a firm hold were fruitless, because just then a long, whitish-yellow streak stretched across the sky. “Lightning…” Roxanne whispered.
Now, you might not know this, but Roxanne was a very brave Norn. The only thing in the world that could scare her…was lightning.
Roxanne let out an ear-splitting shriek as the bolt hit the branch she was clinging onto for dear life. The force of the lightning broke the branch and sent Roxanne sailing into the sky as if she were a leaf. The violent breeze sent her flying over a large tree house, close to the docks that led to the ocean. Roxanne thought, Are the forces of nature bringing me close to the ocean on purpose?
Roxanne was right above the tree house when the updraft eased and she was bound to gravity again. “Uh, oh…” Roxanne whispered as she started falling like a meteor towards the roof of the tree house. With a loud GRAH-RUNCH!!!, Roxanne was on the floor of the small tree house.
As a surprised grunt came from the corner, Roxanne rubbed her head. And then she saw it. A large creature, unlike any she had ever seen, emerged from the corner. It was hideous! It had large, narrowed eyes, a hunched back, and dark, green scales. Its teeth, yellow and broken, were crooked and sharp. There was no mistaking it. It was a Grendel.
Roxanne expected to die where she sat, but the creature politely asked “Excuse me, ma’am, but may I ask who you are, why you’re here, and why you’re clinging onto a tree branch.” There was a long pause. Roxanne seized the moment of silence to look around. It was a small, quaint tree house, and the only furniture of any type was a small coffee table, a cabinet, a stove, and a little bed. Very bright sunlight was now shining through the few windows, and there was a small wooden door in the corner. Hanging on the walls were pictures of beautiful artwork. “Ma’am…” began the Grendel again.
“Oh, I beg your pardon, but my name is Roxanne. I was blown by a sudden updraft to above your tree house and then I fell! I’m sorry.” Roxanne admitted. She looked into the Grendel’s eyes. Was she dreaming, or did Roxanne see a smile on the creature’s face?
“I’m pleased to meet you Roxanne. My name is Grockle of the Grendels, but please just call me Grockle.” He held out his scaly hand courteously for a handshake. Roxanne uncertainly shook it. “C’mon Roxanne,” Grockle grinned, “Why not come in for some Jasmine Tea? I always make way too much for myself.”
Surprised at the offer, Roxanne replied “Sure. Why not?”
For the next thirty Albian minutes, Roxanne and Grockle chatted away while they drank tea and ate oatmeal cookies. To Roxanne’s surprise, Grockle was cordial, respectful, and also very smart! While they chatted, Roxanne made a decision to spend the night in a small corner lined with carpet.
***
Late that night, Roxanne heard the peaceful grunts of Grockle snoring as her mind recalled what had happened that day. Grendels really weren’t awful monsters as many other Norns envisioned them! She had a feeling that Grockle would become a close friend, and perhaps even help her on her journey to the island. Her mind full, Roxanne eventually rediscovered the boon of sleep.
To be continued...
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Dreamnorn
    
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6/28/2008 | |
Sorry for all the consecutive posting; this whole story and the commentary I'm adding to it would be far too massive for a single post.
Many of my creatures fanfictions often involve Grendels as part of the main plot in some way or another. They could be anything from the main hero to the actual villain. For example, The Adventures of Peaches has Gregor as a close friend in a small group of explorers, whereas in Henry the Chichi's Noble Quest, the grand emperor Grog is a vicious tyrant, bent on taking over the Ark and Capillata in the Lone Shee's absence.
Grockle, in this story, is much like Gregor. On the humble side, Roxanne wouldn't have been able to complete her adventure without him.
On a more minor note, I've noticed how I used dialog in this chapter; I recall that I was learning how to write like that in school when I was progressing through this chapter. I guess I incorporated those ideas in the back-and-forth conversations Roxanne and Grockle had.
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Finding her Voice: Part Three (The Trip)
A bright stream of early-morning sunlight woke up the sleeping Roxanne. The floor directly beneath the hole she had accidentally torn into Grockle’s roof was sopping wet. It wasn’t hard to see why. There had been a short shower during the night.
Roxanne yawned and stretched. Despite the rain, last night had been very restful. Suddenly, Roxanne’s eyes flew open. Was that fresh-baked cookies and piping-hot tea she smelled? She turned around to see Grockle standing over his stove, heating some rosehip tea, and there was a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven that was built into the stove. Grockle turned around and smiled as he saw Roxanne. “Ready for breakfast?” he asked.
Roxanne babbled “B-b-but it’s really unnecessary to do that. I’ve brought food in my backpack.”
“Nonsense,” Grockle chuckled. “You’re my guest, and as long as you are so I will make you tea and cookies to your heart’s content.” The Grendel put on some large oven mitts and pulled the cookies out of his oven. Turning back to Roxanne, who had moved to the coffee table, he said “The cookies need to cool for a minute, but let me get you some tea.” He fetched the tea pot and poured the rosehip tea into a small, blue mug. He waddled over to where Roxanne sat at the coffee table and handed her the mug of tea.
***
Roxanne and Grockle calmly drank rosehip tea and munched on chocolate chip cookies for fifteen Albian minutes. After Grockle washed the dishes in some hot, soapy water, Roxanne sighed “I’d better get to work on your roof.” At that, the Grendel clucked like a hen. Roxanne explained, “I should plug up that hole in the roof, otherwise you’ll have to clean water off of the floors all the time.” She thought her idea made a lot of sense. It rains frequently in the jungle.
Grockle smiled at her suggestion and replied “I accept your offer. Thank you, Roxanne.” Grockle lumbered over to the bottom drawer of his cabinet. Roxanne followed and took a peek. All kinds of wooden pieces looked back at her. In the center were also nails, a hot glue tube, and a hammer. “Let’s go!” Grockle said as he gathered what they needed. Roxanne smiled gently, brought out more supplies, and got to work.
***
For the next two Albian hours, Roxanne and Grockle glued, nailed, and hammered the wooden pieces into the hole. As soon as they were done, they washed their hands and took a short nap. When they awoke, Grockle gave Roxanne some more chocolate chip cookies. “Grockle…” Roxanne began.
“Yes?” Grockle said, spraying a cookie-crumb shower onto his table.
“I love staying with you, I really do, but I have to move on.”
Grockle almost choked on his cookie. “To where?” He asked.
“To that dreadful-looking island in the middle of the ocean.”
To Roxanne’s surprise, Grockle looked like he understood. “Most people that drop by are on their way to Misty Island. So basically you’re saying you need to go-”
“Yes.”
“to the island-”
“Yes.”
“alone.”
“No,” Roxanne broke in. Grockle stared at her. “Not alone. I’d like you to come with me.”
Roxanne braced herself for a harsh ‘no’ from Grockle, but the Grendel was nodding thoughtfully. He started grabbing the leftover cookies and tea and placed them into a black backpack of his own. He also added gloves, slippers, a scarf, and a toasty hat. “It’s going to be chilly there, and I, being a reptile, will freeze to death without these.” Roxanne grabbed her own bright-red knapsack, weighed heavily with the food she had packed.
Grockle pushed a lift button, and up came his own private elevator. Roxanne was astonished that he had a lift of his own. With a gentle ding, the elevator was up. The duo jumped in and pushed the down button.
Once they reached the dock underneath the tree house, Roxanne took a look around. There was a small boat-rental tent nearby, and the sea swirled with the mists from what Grockle called Misty Island. The whole place was waterlogged, and the fog was very thick. “Wait here.” said Grockle. The Grendel waddled away toward the red-and-white striped tent to rent a boat.
Roxanne sighed and sat down. The fog dampened her thick coat of fur. Grockle was just coming back with a motor boat when Roxanne saw it. Even through the thick fog, she could now spy the island; she looked at it closely for the first time. The rim of the island was thick with pine trees. The whole middle was barren except for a small, stone, structure. Roxanne gasped. That was where the falling star had landed in her dream!
RRRRRRrrrrrr… the noise of the rented motor boat jogged Roxanne out of her trance. Grockle motioned for her to board. Roxanne threw in her backpack and jumped in. “Next stop,” Grockle giggled, “Misty Island.”
***
After what seemed a week at sea, they finally arrived at Misty Island. Grockle found a place to dock the boat, while Roxanne examined where they were. The place was heavily fogged, so thick that you could only see three feet ahead of you. There was a small dock near a path through the pine trees, and strange, large nuts grew on some other trees nearby. “Whoa!” came a shout from behind. Roxanne spun quickly around, but relaxed when she saw that Grockle had only slipped on the dock and seemed to be all right.
“Let’s go,” said Roxanne.
***
For three Albian hours they wandered along the path, occasionally stopping for a snack. The pair, tired and exhausted, finally decided to rest on a large rock. Just then, Roxanne threw back her head and wailed “We’ll never get out of here!”
“Roxanne…” Grockle began.
“We’ve been wandering aimlessly for three hours! For NOTHING!”
“Roxanne…”
“There’s no way out of this god-forsaken pine wood!”
“ROXANNE!!!” Grockle shouted.
“WHAT?!?” screamed Roxanne.
“Look!” Grockle pointed past a few pine trees towards the island’s barren center. Excited, Roxanne and Grockle ran out of the woods.
“We made it out!” Roxanne shouted, throwing her hands in the air and letting out a whoop. “Thanks Grockle,”
Grockle grunted a ‘you’re welcome.’
Suddenly, a raindrop fell on Roxanne’s head. More quietly, Roxanne shivered and said, “We need to find shelter.” Grockle and Roxanne headed towards the large stone structure that Roxanne had noticed earlier. On its far side, there was an opening that seemed to lead underground. Roxanne, having grown up in an underground dock, was fine with this. But Grockle wasn’t.
“There’s no way I’m getting in there. I’m claustrophobic!”
“Fine,” Roxanne retorted. She was getting rather grumpy because of all the bad luck. “Stay outside in the pouring rain and freeze to death.”
“Wait for me!” shouted Grockle as he raced after her.
The cave was quiet, and torches lit up the whole area. There were paintings of weird creatures on the walls. Roxanne and Grockle headed for a crackling fire near the center. They both shivered, though the fire heated them up. There was something suspicious about this cave.
Suddenly, “What are you doing here!?!” came a furious voice from behind them.
To be continued...
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liddell
 
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7/27/2008 | |
nice man good storuy.
is a gerndel and ettin king
Liddell 8) |

Norniff

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8/21/2009 | |

I'm really enjoying this. Overall I'm not a fan of when grendels are used as the bad guys usually. Eventually I hope to come across a story that flips it around. Norns as the bad guys. Anyways I can't wait for the next part.
I'm tired. ;___; |

LoverIan
    
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8/21/2009 | |
Hopefully, this thread won't be locked, as norniff's post is considered necromancy.......
Anyways, interesting story.....
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