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| Question from Extremely Annoyed Hand on 5/18/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Extremely Annoyed Hand, Rather than trying to feed the fish, it sounds like your younger Norns just aren?t any good at ball games yet, meaning they miss and the toys end up scuba diving. I?d suggest you give them some non-moving toys; ones that can?t be easily thrown into the pond, such as the drum set, or the jukebox. The clumsier ones of the group won?t have to worry about ruining everybody else?s game anymore... or being pelted with apples, and forced to crawl into the pond to fetch the ball, and getting covered in pond scum, and being called "Pond Scum Laura" ever since, and... and... hopefully this advice will help everyone keep their paws dry!!! - Laura |
| Question from Sick of Cameras on 5/16/2011 | 1 comment Dear Laura, Dear Sick of Cameras, I wouldn?t be surprised if your good behaviour has made you the Hand?s favourite, pushing you into the spotlight. Perhaps it has a website and wants to show you off, like any proud parent. Before you know it you'll be as iconic as the Creatures Caves Bengal, or that pretty, young Treehugger who posed for this column.  However, should you find that the attention becomes too bothersome you can always seek refuge via the Warp; there can?t be any pictures if there?s no Norn to take pictures of!- Laura |
| Question from Lee on 5/15/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Lee, Do you see a bright, white light? Are you surrounded by the soft serenading of wind chimes? As you continue floating up into the unknown, can you almost smell the sweet meadows of Feverfew, taste the crumbly mountains of cheese and, dare I say, hear the gentle trickle of the bottomless Hooch still that awaits you beyond? Unless you?d prefer to catch flying lemons for all eternity, I?d go into the light. On the other hand, if you can?t see a light, don?t panic. It may just be that pesky Hand trying to relocate you. Either hold on and enjoy the journey, or if you?re happy where you are, give it a quick nip and pray you land on some grass! - Laura |
| Question from Grettin on 5/15/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Grettin, Why don't you play with the lifts instead? I don?t know any creature that doesn?t enjoy a rickety ride, and it sounds like you could use a welcome distraction from the daily grind. Trust me; you'll soon forget about everything else (yes, even cheese!) when you can push that big... red... button... much to the Hand's despair. - Laura |
| Question from Concerned Nano Norn on 4/8/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Concerned Nano Norn, We're fortunate to live in a world where creatures come in all shapes and sizes. The Shee knew that life on the Ark would be boring if we all looked the same. The best thing you can do is make yourself heard. I think a tall flag, to warn others of your presence, could work well. If you make sure it's a pointy flag too, Norns will think twice before stepping on you! ![[devil]](/images/smilies/devil.gif "[devil]") Go on; fly the flag for your breed!- Laura |
| Question from Green Norn on 3/22/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Green Norn, While the HoverDoc may want you to think that this is some sort of common 'mutation' in your pigment genes, it is actually an allergic reaction to, would you believe it, apples. I'm sure if you explain this to your fellow ChiChi?s they're bound to stop laughing at you. After all, who wouldn?t feel sorry for a Norn who can?t enjoy a cool, refreshing bite of a freshly-picked apple, without the fear of turning red and green themselves? I wouldn't worry too much though; once you stop eating them you?ll be back to your purple and orange self in no time. I?ve always thought carrots have a more satisfying crunch anyway! - Laura |
| Question from Out of Cheese on 3/21/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Out of Cheese, If Completely Ignored Norn's problem has taught us anything, it could be the Hand just left for some fresh air. I can only imagine that when Norns over-indulge on cheese things can get a bit stinky, with its odour emanating from every... orifice, and you must have eaten a lot of it for supplies to run out! There are many equally delicious fruit and seeds, scattered around the Norn Terrarium, to supplement your diet; all crunchy, juicy and helpful in offsetting cheesy breath and armpits syndrome. I suggest you give those try, for I'm sure the Hand will be glad to return to an Ark that doesn?t have the aroma of old socks. - Laura |
| Question from Completely Ignored Norn on 3/17/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Completely Ignored Norn, I had to hold my nose when I opened your letter. ![:\](/images/smilies/confused.gif ":\") Either you're an avid cheese collector, who stores it in their bed for safekeeping, or you have a slight body odour issue. Have you ever considered that this might be the reason everyone's ignoring you? Nobody wants to be friends with the smelly Norn, and it's hard to tactfully tell someone that the piranha pool does not substitute a proper bath, after all. If I were you, I?d try bathing in a nice clean pond, with some scented herbs, to get yourself noticed again... in a good way!- Laura |
| Question from Totally, Like, Norn on 3/13/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Totally, Like, Norn, Show the Hand what you think of his stupid carrots and eat them! That's right; outsmart him by devouring the food he waves in your face. That'll soon teach him to stop bothering you and let you hang out with your friends more! Oh, and next time you get that gnawing feeling in your stomach, that means the Hand is trying to spoil your fun again, so you should munch on even more things to keep him in check. - Laura |
| Question from Helpless Hand on 3/7/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Helpless Hand, Show your boyfriend that it's possible to enjoy both worlds by injecting these Collectible Pok?mon Toys; a common interest that he and your creatures can share. I bet that nothing helps two species bond better than collecting and trading pocket-sized monsters. They may even become so immersed in their battles that you'll have a hard time prising them apart! Just be sure to keep the Magma Norns away from Squirtle... some crossovers are made to be avoided.- Laura |
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