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jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  2/10/2017

*offers big hugs* it can get overwhelming, and you are still mourning the loss of your friend too, so that only adds on to it. You can do it though <3 I believe in you, you'll get through this rough patch <3
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/10/2017

Thanks jcnorn. I know I can do it, I'm just not very confident in my work at times.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  2/10/2017

I know this feeling very well. And it absolutely sucks. And it's hard to get past the feelings. But I do believe in you and your work <3
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/16/2017

Thanks again for the kind messages jcnorn. I feel like it's gotten easier for me lately, but I still have moments where I stop and think about Chris. I've been speaking with his mother and lot and she's really nice. Just a shame I never did it whilst he was still around.

I also looked through our Steam history recently and found the last message I sent to him was three days before he passed. Whenever I stupidly feel like I took him for granted I look at that message and think "Of course I didn't, I was always willing to be there for him, even if he didn't respond to me previously." Sometimes I've wondered if the reason he kept quiet with me during the last few days was to soften the blow when he eventually did take his life.



Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  2/16/2017

It could be. I know the times I have thought about suicide I distanced myself from everyone. I would toss kind words and make sure to boost everyones confidence a little, make sure they were laughing and then I would kind of fade off. So it could very well be that that was what he was doing.

I'm really glad that you are feeling better. This isn't something to rush either, so that you still stop and think about him is only a good thing I think. And I love that you are staying in touch with his mom too, that is so sweet of you. Because it must be extra rough for her as well <3 You are doing great.

 
BaffleBlend

BaffleBlend
United States  


  2/20/2017

My sudden bursts of anger are getting more frequent, more random, more severe, and more persistent by the day.

I'm going to wind up giving myself a stroke or something if this keeps up...

I've just gotten my medication refilled, but that usually only helps outwardly. It suppresses my rage, it doesn't get rid of it. I guess that's better than nothing, but...

 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/21/2017  1

Perhaps you should consider talking to a therapist or a similar professional? They might be able to pinpoint a cause and give a different medication to help with it or even help you find positive ways to vent/control the emotions?

They don't happen anymore but way back before I started taking my anxiety medication my anxiety would cause powerful bouts of anger/frustration at times so I kinda understand that kinda thing. I usually just yelled but sometimes I'd punch myself in the legs and one time I kicked my metal desk's drawer so hard it got warped. But I haven't had that level of anger for a few years now.


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
BaffleBlend

BaffleBlend
United States  


  2/21/2017

Unfortunately, I already know the causes, and those causes can't be removed. (Not for lack of trying, mind you...)
My mind always tends to associate innocuous things with dreaded subjects, such as politics or remembering some ugly argument I've had in the past, even if there's no relation whatsoever. Even when I do things to try to vent/control my anger... those always get associated, too, and I'm always left worse off than when I started, with even more anger and one less potential hobby.

 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/21/2017  1

Oh man I can understand that completely. :( That really sucks I'm sorry.

I get random triggers of emotions from certain things. Like when my grandma's cellphone goes off (I don't have a phone so I also use this one) I internally start to panic because I still associate it with someone calling me. Even though pretty much there is no one to call me anymore. Any time that dang phone goes off I have to turn up the volume on my computer or anything to dull the sound.

Raised voices also cause me to panic. Or hostile voices in general. Grandpa yelling at the dog we used to have when I wasn't even in the room caused me to freak out. Mom and her now ex husband getting mad at each other in a car? Freak out. A youtuber getting upset at a game he's playing? Freak out.

@_@ Sucks so much.


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
Wingheart

Wingheart
New Zealand  


  2/21/2017

@BaffleBlend a therapist could probably help.

@faeriehawk that sounds like PTSD or something

 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/21/2017

I don't think it is PTSD, but then again I'm not a psychologist so I wouldn't know. I can understand where FaerieHawk is coming from though, certain things such as sirens going off can freak me out a bit, but it's odd, because I also get a kick out of the adrenaline rush. It's strange.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/22/2017

Man when I was little we had a tornado run through, didn't hit our house or come near it at all. But after that the sound of sirens would trigger some PTSD in me.

I still tense at tornado siren tests rarely though. At least it's not every kind of siren now.


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/23/2017

Not exactly related but lately I keep getting really painful aching in my knees whenever I am sat with them bent for long periods of time. I've considered making a doctor's appointment but I can't afford to stay off uni as I have work I need to be doing, and I also need to be able to sit at my computer to do work at home.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/23/2017

I've had that a lot too! I've had it for years though. And it tends to only happen around the time Fall is turning to winter for some reason.

It may also have to do with the temperature/air pressure/whatever for me though because I haven't had it much this year. o-o I never thought to go to the doctor for it though.


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  2/23/2017

I'm the exact same. I remember suffering awfully with it when I was a kid and the teacher forced us to sit on the carpet and listen to her lessons for ages - I remember asking several times if I could stand up and she refused. It tends to flare up every so often but eventually it goes.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  2/23/2017

for me I only really noticed it when I'd be playing games because that's when I'd sit with my legs crossed... still do lol

Though it was less a bother for me. Only hurt after I straightened my legs and I'd just walk a few feet or squirm around until pain subsided.

Sometimes it hurt so bad I'd just laugh. o-o


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/11/2017

I've recently been feeling depressed/anxious a lot lately and considered booking an appointment with my doctor. However I have previously been to see two doctors, one in 2014, and another last year, and they both fobbed me off with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I found completely useless, so I'm feeling somewhat hesitant about doing anything. :(

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  3/11/2017

Be very firm and say that you are feeling like you are not getting anything out from that kind of therapy and are looking for a therapist who isn't going to want to go down that path but find a different path. We are all different and while CBT work for some people, it doesn't for others :)
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/11/2017

Thanks again for the help. My CBT therapist did indeed mention on my notes I was willing to try medication if I ever needed to see a doctor again.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  3/11/2017

That's good! That's kind of progress lol. The most important is to keep at it <3
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/11/2017

Yeah. However since then I changed doctor's (moving to a new town at uni pretty much required it in case I got ill) so I'm not sure if they'll have the notes.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  3/12/2017

Oh! I hope they do. Here there's a national system, so if I move about they can access my files from anywhere.
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/12/2017

We have the NHS, so I assume that must be true here as well I guess. The only downside is the doctor surgery is about twenty minutes away which is a bit of a pain.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  3/12/2017

20 minutes can be a really long time when in a hurry :O
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/19/2017

I've been feeling like garbage these past few days after I had previously felt great on Wednesday and Tuesday. One of my friends has been talking about getting drunk and it has made me so angry. The feeling I get is pretty awful when it happens, a combination of cringing and anger, and I don't want to feel it any more so I've considered about stopping talking to him. I know in the long term this may be the best thing to do but on the other hand it seems a waste when I could easily somehow accept the fact that he's a drinker, but it's too hard.

Apologies for the jumble of words - somehow it's difficult to get the words out. I've just been feeling crap and needed to reach out for someone.


Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
Geat_Masta

Geat_Masta
United States  


  3/19/2017

@C-Rex, around 90% of alcoholics have a mutation in the tryptophan/serotonin pathway. Try to get him to take 5-HTP supplements before bed, he'll probably cut back on alcohol because he feels better and alcohol is expensive.

@Fairyhawk what you describe is likely related to PTSD, keep in mind that PTSD rates, like depression, are pretty consistent across countries, I can't prove this, but it suggests that getting PTSD has more to do with genetics than trauma. So even if you can't pinpoint an actual source of trauma, you shouldn't rule out PTSD as a possibility when looking for treatment.

 
Kule

Kule



  3/19/2017

C-rex, If you're good friends it would probably be better for you both if you openly state drinking isn't something you're interested in doing. Don't shut him down, but politely offer him to come over if he wants something to do and get a take away/whatever and play games, watch a crappy movie or so.

I have a friend who I don't see that often and when I do he has a tendency to day drink and get really drunk. He's a chef so my strategy is to make out I'm hungry and then he'll usually get distracted with trying to come up with some gourmet four course menu. We'll still drink but not as much and the food keeps him sober so we end up having a good relaxing evening.

Maybe distraction would also work in your case?

 
FaerieHawk

FaerieHawk
United States  


  3/19/2017

Masta: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if I have PTSD. I... I have a lot of issues, really. I've been talking to a psyche dude for a few months now.

Dude makes me mad sometimes though. When my brother saw him, he gave my brother a test to determine any issues he had and found he had OCD. I asked about taking the test and he said he rarely gives it out to anyone.

Next time I go I am insisting that he let me take it. Honestly I want to find out if I have Aspergers like most of my family (my brother included) think I might.

Doc says that they don't use that name to diagnose anymore. That's fine. -o- Whatever new name they use. I don't care what they call it, I just want to know for myself if I have something or not.

Though admittedly, finding out there's nothing wrong with me would probably mentally destroy me.


Between my love of cookies, tea, and the observation of genetics in nature I'm practically a Shee.[ngrin]
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  3/28/2017

I've just been listening to "Time" written by Hans Zimmer from the Inception soundtrack. It was one of my friend Chris's favourite pieces of music, and as soon as I hear it I just sit still. I'm in floods of tears now, because I never got to appreciate the music while he was still alive, and also during the outro the song's intensity decreases to just a piano playing. It's almost a metaphor for how I feel now that Chris (the orchestra) has left.

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  3/28/2017  1

Music is amazing on how it can wake feelings inside us. Sometimes even feelings we had no idea we were feeling. Though in your case, you know full well how you are feeling <3 That song will always be special now
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  5/9/2017

Apparently Facebook doesn't consider "the R word" hate speech, which is a disgrace, especially as the word in question is directed towards someone with Asperger's. I'm so close to leaving that joke of a website. [nangry]

Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
Intyalle

Intyalle
New Zealand  

 visit Intyalle's website: Nadia Eat Hand
  5/9/2017

Yeah >.> Unfortunately, ableism still isn't very recognised. Hell, spellcheck is convinced that's not a word. *hugs*

Also known as bab_5_freak from the old Gameware forums.
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  5/19/2017

Lately I feel like I'm struggling. And I wouldn't mind a hug.
 
C-Rex
Lollipop Lord

C-Rex
United Kingdom  

 visit C-Rex's website: The Norn Nebula
  5/19/2017

Sorry to hear that jcnorn. I really appreciate all the nice things you've said to me in the past and I'll always be here to offer help and return the favour.

Anyway, I put this as my bibble, but I woke up this morning at around 4:30 AM and started shivering uncontrollably. I think it may have been anxiety as yesterday I rather irresponsibly did some self diagnosis and felt a little worried before bed. I was very frightened but managed to get it under control after doing some breathing excersises. I just hope it doesn't happen again. :(


Join the Norn Nebula Discord Server!
 
jcnorn

jcnorn
Sweden  


  5/19/2017

Anxiety can be tricky, I do hope you won't get it again. Stop self diagnosing before bed :P I'm ordering you to! lol. You can do it any other time of the day if you want to, but not before bedtime :P
 

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