» Home
» Main
Guestbook
Information
News Archive
Contact
» Downloads
COBs
Adoption
Metarooms
Aquatilis
» Images
Fan Art
Wallpaper
Screenshots
Graphics
» Features
Ask Laura
CAOS Chaos
Polls
» Community
Links
Contacts
CC Chat **
Survivor
» Forums
Index
Support
New Topic
Search
» My Caves
Log In
Register
Lost PW
User List
» Online Users
View Details (3)
Malkin
AquaShard ylukyun| Agony Aunt Advice Column | |
 |
|
| Submit A Question |
Check back soon! |
|
||
| Dear Laura, A Grendel tried to kisspop me... What do I do? - Tongue Tied Norn Dear Tongue Tied Norn, Whether it was a very confused Grendel, or a mischievous Norn, playing a prank with an old, discarded Grendel hide it found, a nice hot shower will make you feel as good as new. Unless it's a cold shower you need.  - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I always try to serve my Norns well. I've put automatic vendors in their terrarium so they won't starve when I'm busy testing a new agent, I keep the Grendel eggs submerged in water to avoid inter-species conflicts and, of course, I give them lots of toys. But all they seem to do is throw them into the pond. There's already fish food in there, so why do they do that? - Extremely Annoyed Hand Dear Extremely Annoyed Hand, Rather than trying to feed the fish, it sounds like your younger Norns just aren’t any good at ball games yet, meaning they miss and the toys end up scuba diving. I’d suggest you give them some non-moving toys; ones that can’t be easily thrown into the pond, such as the drum set, or the jukebox. The clumsier ones of the group won’t have to worry about ruining everybody else’s game anymore... or being pelted with apples, and forced to crawl into the pond to fetch the ball, and getting covered in pond scum, and being called "Pond Scum Laura" ever since, and... and... hopefully this advice will help everyone keep their paws dry!!! - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I've been quite nice to my Hand; not eating it, letting it stop me pushing the elevator non-stop, and eating most of the food I get offered. However, the Hand has not returned my good treatment. Rather, it often uses an annoying device it calls a 'Nornposer' to put me in some very strange positions, and takes a 'screenshot', before using something called 'Photoshop' to produce pictures that look increasingly weird. It's becoming rather a bother. Please help? - Sick of Cameras Dear Sick of Cameras, I wouldn’t be surprised if your good behaviour has made you the Hand’s favourite, pushing you into the spotlight. Perhaps it has a website and wants to show you off, like any proud parent. Before you know it you'll be as iconic as the Creatures Caves Bengal, or that pretty, young Treehugger who posed for this column. However, should you find that the attention becomes too bothersome you can always seek refuge via the Warp; there can’t be any pictures if there’s no Norn to take pictures of!- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, Everything's floating down and away from me! I can't move! How can I make the ground come back? - Lee Dear Lee, Do you see a bright, white light? Are you surrounded by the soft serenading of wind chimes? As you continue floating up into the unknown, can you almost smell the sweet meadows of Feverfew, taste the crumbly mountains of cheese and, dare I say, hear the gentle trickle of the bottomless Hooch still that awaits you beyond? Unless you’d prefer to catch flying lemons for all eternity, I’d go into the light. On the other hand, if you can’t see a light, don’t panic. It may just be that pesky Hand trying to relocate you. Either hold on and enjoy the journey, or if you’re happy where you are, give it a quick nip and pray you land on some grass! - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I am a Grettin with a Norn's head. The Hand got very bored with my 'parents' and made me. Thing is, I don't like being a crossbreed! I don't know whether I should eat cheese, cookies or smack things... I'm constantly starving and hide away, is there a way around this? - Grettin Dear Grettin, Why don't you play with the lifts instead? I don’t know any creature that doesn’t enjoy a rickety ride, and it sounds like you could use a welcome distraction from the daily grind. Trust me; you'll soon forget about everything else (yes, even cheese!) when you can push that big... red... button... much to the Hand's despair. - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, Can you help me? All of the other Norns in the world are giant, which is freaking me out, and I keep getting stepped on! How do I make myself bigger, or shrink the other Norns to a regular size? - Concerned Nano Norn Dear Concerned Nano Norn, We're fortunate to live in a world where creatures come in all shapes and sizes. The Shee knew that life on the Ark would be boring if we all looked the same. The best thing you can do is make yourself heard. I think a tall flag, to warn others of your presence, could work well. If you make sure it's a pointy flag too, Norns will think twice before stepping on you! ![[devil]](http://creaturescaves.com/images/smilies/devil.gif) Go on; fly the flag for your breed!- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I am a ChiChi Norn. ChiChi’s are supposed to be purple and with orange details, but I’m green with red details! All the other ChiChi’s laugh at me. How can I change my color (or at least make it so they stop laughing at me)? - Green Norn Dear Green Norn, While the HoverDoc may want you to think that this is some sort of common 'mutation' in your pigment genes, it is actually an allergic reaction to, would you believe it, apples. I'm sure if you explain this to your fellow ChiChi’s they're bound to stop laughing at you. After all, who wouldn’t feel sorry for a Norn who can’t enjoy a cool, refreshing bite of a freshly-picked apple, without the fear of turning red and green themselves? I wouldn't worry too much though; once you stop eating them you’ll be back to your purple and orange self in no time. I’ve always thought carrots have a more satisfying crunch anyway! - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, HELP! We're out of cheese and the Hand is on holiday, whatever that means! How do we get more? - Out of Cheese Dear Out of Cheese, If Completely Ignored Norn's problem has taught us anything, it could be the Hand just left for some fresh air. I can only imagine that when Norns over-indulge on cheese things can get a bit stinky, with its odour emanating from every... orifice, and you must have eaten a lot of it for supplies to run out! There are many equally delicious fruit and seeds, scattered around the Norn Terrarium, to supplement your diet; all crunchy, juicy and helpful in offsetting cheesy breath and armpits syndrome. I suggest you give those try, for I'm sure the Hand will be glad to return to an Ark that doesn’t have the aroma of old socks. - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I'm being completely ignored, as the other Norns won't play or even talk to me. A few days ago I hit one of them, as hard as I could in the stomach, and he didn't even notice! The Hand gives food to all my fellow Norns, but it ignores me, and so I haven't eaten anything for half a week now. Desperate for some attention, I even visited the Jungle Terrarium yesterday and had a swim in the piranha pool. They all looked really hungry, but they ignored me too! It's like I don't exist anymore. Help me, I don't know what to do. - Completely Ignored Norn Dear Completely Ignored Norn, I had to hold my nose when I opened your letter.  Either you're an avid cheese collector, who stores it in their bed for safekeeping, or you have a slight body odour issue. Have you ever considered that this might be the reason everyone's ignoring you? Nobody wants to be friends with the smelly Norn, and it's hard to tactfully tell someone that the piranha pool does not substitute a proper bath, after all. If I were you, I’d try bathing in a nice clean pond, with some scented herbs, to get yourself noticed again... in a good way!- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, So, my Hand's like, totally strict and stuff. I wanna, like, hang out with my friends and do stuff like giggle, and push balls, and kiss each other and stuff, but my Hand keeps like, so waving food in my face all the time. I'm always, like, having this gnawing feeling in my stomach but that's probably, like, because that stupid Hand keeps bothering me and not letting me hang with my friends, ya know? How do I get the Hand to, like, stop shoving carrots in my face and stuff? - Totally, Like, Norn Dear Totally, Like, Norn, Show the Hand what you think of his stupid carrots and eat them! That's right; outsmart him by devouring the food he waves in your face. That'll soon teach him to stop bothering you and let you hang out with your friends more! Oh, and next time you get that gnawing feeling in your stomach, that means the Hand is trying to spoil your fun again, so you should munch on even more things to keep him in check. - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, My boyfriend is a fan of Pokémon, and I am a fan of Creatures. I've been trying to get him into Creatures and vice versa. Yet we just dissolve into debates about how creatures can't be trained for battles, or how Pokémon don't have a proper evolution simulator. What can I do to assimilate -I mean- persuade him into the Creatures fandom? - Helpless Hand Dear Helpless Hand, Show your boyfriend that it's possible to enjoy both worlds by injecting these Collectible Pokémon Toys; a common interest that he and your creatures can share. I bet that nothing helps two species bond better than collecting and trading pocket-sized monsters. They may even become so immersed in their battles that you'll have a hard time prising them apart! Just be sure to keep the Magma Norns away from Squirtle... some crossovers are made to be avoided.- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I've only lived for two hours and I'm already old. You've been alive for longer, but you haven't aged since before my time. What's your secret, and will you share it with me? - Angry Old Norn Dear Angry Old Norn, You can't fool me, Grim Reaper, I see through your disguise! I'm afraid you'll uncover no loopholes here; I'm not ready to enter Silicon Heaven just yet. Don't you think you're being a little selfish, continuing to hound me like this? There are still a lot of troubled creatures who need my help, and who'd be there to offer them advice if I suddenly packed my bags and departed for the Afterlife? Imagine if there was a cheese shortage in Albia and my fellow Norns had no one to turn to, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be held responsible for the ensuing anarchy that would cause.- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, I have a more than slight problem. There's this Grendel, who is my best friend, called Nick. There's also this female Grendel, called Meg, who has been hitting me for fun a lot lately. I'd ask the Hand, but he said something about a 'Wolfling Run' or something like that. Well, Nick and Meg started dating, and I told Nick that he could do SO much better for himself. Normally, this would be okay, except he TOLD Meg, and now she wants to kill me. I am currently hiding in the airlock and Meg is pounding on the door. She hasn't left for a whole day. Should I just make it easy and push the big button? - Sue Ellen Dear Sue Ellen, I do wonder how some of you still manage to write to me when you're in life threatening and secluded locations. Are you using the Ark's 'Flitter' network to send this message by means of social butterflies? Anyway; you should only push that big button when the other creature is inside the airlock. However, I prefer solutions that don't resort to Grendicide, so instead, use the airlock's intercom to fool Meg into thinking you’re hiding elsewhere. She'll go off looking for you, giving you the chance to escape and seek out Nick for protection. Given that he's Meg's boyfriend, I’m sure he'll be able to reason with her and help you both settle your differences... without you getting a black eye in the process. A Grendel's nature means that their love life can be rather turbulent, so it's probably safer to leave them to it in future!- Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, Help! I've just spliced a new plant, but something is wrong; it won't stop growing! Needless to say, I haven't found a way of getting rid of it, and it's growing so quickly that my lab is becoming overgrown! As a Treehugger Norn, and a smart one at that, do you have any ideas? - Shee Botanist Dear Shee Botanist, Well I, for one, welcome our new photosynthesising brethren. As a Treehugger Norn, I believe that plants and I have a deep and spiritual affinity. Together we are one in the soil, joined at the stem, as though we all sprouted from the same seed. So you see, I’d never dream of uprooting any shrub like a 'bad plant'! To do so would damage a lifelong and sacred bond. I strongly suggest that you either locate a new place to conduct your experiments (and take the responsibility of creation much more seriously in future), or learn to co-exist with each other peacefully. Perhaps you could even extend your laboratory by building a greenhouse; I’m sure the Shee Ark is big enough for the both of you. - Laura |
|
||
| Dear Laura, Living in the hot, moist conditions of the jungle, I have developed a rather nasty fungal infection between my toes. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be a cure anywhere on the ship. Should I just let the piranhas gnaw off my foot, or is there a better solution? - Ung Dear Ung, Amputation is such a messy cure, plus you'd be foolish to give the piranhas a taste for your blood. With the side dish of fungal cheese, I imagine your toes would make a rather moreish morsel for them.  I advise that you schedule an appointment at The Creatures Clinic instead. Having just opened her surgery to ailing creatures, I’m sure Dr. Mousienorn will be more than happy to provide you with the right remedy. In the meantime, keep your claws dry by steering clear of all ponds!- Laura |
|
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
